Daily Archives: September 14, 2011

Standing at the Cross Roads

My heart hurts.

I’m standing on the edge of something — yet another goddamn edge of Something – going “Do I jump?”

My divination attempts all tell me that (a) I need to try this because it’ll be good for me in the long run, but that (b) it’s going to be hard as hell and the end-result may yet only be “okay” rather than “awesome”.

It’s both easier and harder to be “dragged into” things against your will, or at least your sense of self-preservation. Harder because you feel powerless and lost, but easier because you can tell yourself you’re being a grown-up about it – or at least trying – despite crappy circumstances that you can’t necessarily change (at least not without causing a lot of unhappiness and, incidentally, forfeiting the part where you’re being a grown-up about it).

Have you ever had a deity drop Something in your lap?
This one wasn’t even my deity who dropped it. Or my lap, per se, that got the Something dropped in it.

I feel like this is something I’m Supposed To Do, even if it sucks for me. And now I’m being handed the opportunity to make it all stop.

How do you navigate that?
How do you ask your own gods What To Do in a way that will get a clear and remotely helpful answer?

I know that the answer I want is: “Do it. Say Yes. It will get easier and easier and before you know it everything will feel fine and good and this will be as easy as breathing for you.”

But I also doubt very much that this is the answer I’m remotely likely to get.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Ways of coping?

Meliad the Birch Maiden