“Q & A” / “Fool” Spread

So I just did a tarot reading.
If by “did” I mean “had seven cards fall out of the deck in a clump, while I was shuffling with the intention of doing a 9-card (3 final cards optional) spread”.
 
I was asking about crafting, creativity (creative output and the career stuff that’s entangled with that, but also creative growth and not losing the joy that I find in my many and various arts), What Happens Next.
 
I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to do a 5-card Question and Answer spread[1] or a Fool Spread (the way I do them, the layout is the same, so…)
 
Here’s what fell out of my deck:
 
Signifier: Guilt (8 of Clouds/Swords), upright
 
First Card: Silence (17 of MA / the Star), reversed
Second Card: Healing (King of Water/Cups), upright
Third Card: Adventure (Page of Earth/Pentacles), reversed
Fourth Card: Friendliness (2 of Water/Cups), reversed
Fifth Card: Integration (14 of MA / Temperance), upright
 
Advisor: Celebration (3 of Water/Cups), upright
 
I added to these, one card off the top of the deck:
Over-Arching/Current Influences: Maturity (Ace of Earth/Pentacles), upright
 
AND one card off the bottom of the deck:
Underlying/Impending Influences: The Creator (King of Fire/Wands), reversed
 
 
~*~
 
 
So. How does this work… Two spreads in one! 😀
 
The signifier is… obivous. Regardless of which spread I’m reading.
Yes, I’ve been feeling guilty about my Creative Stuff sliding, getting put on the back-burner, or just not coming out very easily –> Which means I’ve been feeling frustrated and little bit like… oh, gods, what if that was all there ever was??? You know that feeling? … and, from there, feeling defensive and like I want to shut out the world and just take long baths and read novels for ever. Which just adds to the guily feeling.
 
 
Now things start getting complicated.
 
 
First Card and Second Card:
In the Q&A spread, these are the answer to my “what happens next” question, and my “what happens next” question rephrased so that it lines up with the answer in a “how do I get to X” way.
In the Fool spread, they are “what you’re not used to / what’s unfamiliar / what you haven’t tried yet” and “what you’re used to / familiar with”.
 
When I look at Silence (first card) in my deck, I tend to read it as “turn inward, listen to yourself”. The “official” (according to my Little Book anyway) meaning of The Star is – perhaps not surprisingly, given what I’ve been thinking about – Creative Opportunity.
Usually, when cards in my deck are reversed, it signals “internal/head & heart” stuff rather than external/physical world stuff. However Silence, reversed, can also speak to creative blocks (which I’ve been kind of feeling, but not hugely).
So.
 
What I’m not used to to / where I’m naive: I don’t even know.  I’d like to say I’m “not used to” writers’ block or listening to myself spin around and around in my head, but that seems to be all I’m doing these days.  Am I just supposed to Sit With It and Enjoy the Silence?
VS
The question (rephrased): “I get to X by looking Within, engaging with my creative/intuitive side, and taking creative opportunities when they present themselves.
 
When I look at Healing (second card) in my deck… he’s come up a lot for me, and I tend to take him literally. Emotional healing – old wounds surfacing to be made well again.  However, as King of Cups, he’s also a patron of the arts and somewhat emotional (for good or ill).
 
What’s routine/familiar / what I’m used to: Er… being a patron of the arts?  Working on my Crap?  Dealing with emotional stuff?  Hurting?
 
Answer: X = Emotional Healing, willingness to get vulnerable, safe space in-which to do it.
 
 
Third Card:
In the Q&A spread, this is “hidden influences”. In the Fool spread, it’s “what you risk” (sometimes that means “the risk you have to take in order to move forward”, other times it’s “what you risk gaining – that scary, scary thing that will actually be wonderful for you”)
 
When I look at Adventure in my deck, it’s very litterally “the scary, scary thing that will be wonderful for [me]”. (I’m not sure if that’s why it’s Reversed, though — meaning that Taking Risks is a difficult think for me to do).
 
Hidden Influences:  Small things can turn out to be great adventures?  Not sure.
 
Risk/First Steps:  Trust.  Let your sense of wonder guide you.  Try.  Even though it’s hard.  Explore (maybe explore your Inner Self?).
 
 
Fourth Card:
This is either the “best course of action” card (Q&A) or it’s the “what you fear” card (Fool).
 
When I look at Friendliness in my deck, I see… beginnings, partnerships, the todlerhood of relating to other people; tentative trust (in some cases) or maybe an easy friendship (platonic) or partnership. Reversed, this might refer to needing to trust myself and having difficulty with that. Alternatively (although I’m not sure it applies here), it might suggest fears around a relationship (with a person? with an activity?) losing its passion and dulling into “automatic pilot”.
 
Best Action: I’m inclined to say that my “best action” is to trust myself, no matter how difficult that is (if only because it’s good advice in general).
 
What I Fear: Maybe “I’m afraid to trust myself” or “I don’t think I’m trustworthy”. Alternatively: “I fear being kind to myself because I think I’m really a lazy freeloader” (or similar[2]).
 
 
Fifth Card:
This card is the “outcome” card, no matter which spread I’m doing. It’s the carrot offered if you’re willing to take the risk, the benefit that comes from doing the work to achieve “X”.
 
when I look at Integration in my deck, I read a different kind of balance than I do with “Temperance” (even though they’re the same card). Integrations speaks to me of having ALL my parts involved, everything working well together, no part of my Pie Chart getting ignored or under/over worked.
So.
Outcome: I win at Life. YAY! 😀 (Provided I manage the rest of this stuff, right? Right).
 
 
Advisor:
The Advisor card tells you “keep this in mind when you do your reading” but it also offers keys to how to make the best situation come about, or suggests a part of the equation that you might not have considered otherwise.
 
When I look at Celebration in my deck… Okay, for me, this is the Polyamoury card. But, in this context, I’m pretty sure my Advisor is NOT telling me to add another partner to my love-life. This card also means joyfulness; playfulness; finding the joy in it, even when the sky is falling and the storms are raging. It’s also a Three card, and threes – for me – tend to be Pattern cards. They frequently mean “you’re getting the hang of this”.
 
 
Overarching/Current Influences:
This is the card that tells you what’s riding on/through the reading/situation. If the Signifier is Subjective-You-Right-Now, the Overarching card is All The Bits (of you, or of the situation, or both) That You Can’t See because you’re too caught up with (dealing with) being the Signifier.
 
I like the Maturity card. It’s all very “I can handle this” about pretty much everything. I like the implication that, currently, while I might feel like I’m alternately running around like a chicken with my head cut off OR hiding under my blankets (or in my bath or wherever) doing NOTHING, this whole process is getting me Where I’m Going and is part of… not “growing up” exactly, but of growing into myself and coming into my own.
Thank all the gods! (Thank you! :-D)
 
 
Underlying/Impending Influences:
This card lets you know what the foundation is, the roots (source of nourishment? Whether what’s being nourished is good or bad for you) of the situation and Where You’re At. It also, sometimes, gives you an idea of what’s coming down the pike as this card can also be read as “rising influences”.
 
I have to say, I’m not at all surprised to see The Creator occupying this spot. I’ve had the King of Fire and the King of Water show up together, balancing each other and relating to each other, in a lot of readings lately (if by “lately”, I mean the past six months). That this card is reversed, I think, just means that The Creator in question is me. Which is no big shock (again) considering the original Question on my mind. So. That Being a Creator is underpinning this whole Big Deal is… obvious and clear and… good to see reflected in this spread.
 
~*~
 
 
So. There you have it. One more tarot spread for me.
 
Summary:
I’m feeling guilty about not Doing more Art, feeling like I’m running all over the place (or just hiding) in order to(?) avoid having to deal with things like “writers’ block” or “performance anxiety” or whatever. However, my creativity – my creator-ness – is underlying pretty much everything I’m doing right now. If I can just chill out a little, take the risks of both (a) trying new and/or intimidating things AND (b) being a friend to myself despite my fears (and suspicions that I would just spend all day Eating BonBons if I ever just let myself Do Whatever), tune-in to myself (to The Universe?) and listen for those quiet inspirations, then I will not only get myself to a point where my life-pie is full and well-balanced, but I’ll live a joyful, fulfilling life AND deal with my Issues (through Art, no less).
 
At least that’s what I’m getting from this, more or less.
 
 
Thoughts?
 
 
TTFN,
Meliad the Birch Maiden.
 
 
[1] First card = “The action I have to take to get to my answer”
Second card = “Answer”
Third card = Hidden Influences
Fourth card = Best Action
Fifth card = Outcome if you take that action
 
[2] It’s readings like this that make me feel like Reading for myself is “cheating” because I already know what’s inside my head. None the less, sometimes doing this for myself will bring stuff to light that I didn’t think of before (or was avoiding thinking about, as the case may be). So there’s that.

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