So, as-you-know-bob, I’m a great big leatherdyke who recently married her servant. I write lesbian porn that I tend to categorize as “leather woo” because it combines pain-play and power-exchange with various degrees of magical/religious ritual. One of my deities is polyamourous. One of them has at least one foot inside the door of the Sacred Harlots’ temple (she’s definitely a protector and helper of sexworkers, if she isn’t one herself – though there’s a good chance that she is, given her various jurisdictions). One of them is very emphatically a dyke, as well as a midwife. Like me, my gods exist outside the realm of the Charmed Circle of (mainstream) socially acceptable sexualities and relationship configurations.
Not surprisingly, I’m drawn to paths like Goddess Spirituality and Sacred Kink – the latter of-which I’ll be pursuing and studying more in-depth over the course of 2013. Not surprisingly, I light candles for Days of the Dead other than Hallowe’en (December 17th and November 20th, in particular). Not surprisingly, I do simple magics – like burning money-drawing incense on the altar of My Lady of Sex and Courage; like scenting candles with happy-home-promoting essential oils like clove – which draws in great sex and financial stability, yes, but which also repels jealousy (handy when you’re poly); like sigilizing my CPU with runes for prosperity, beauty, and femininity, using a mixture of coconut, cinnamon, peppermint, & ylang ylang oils – that take sex-work, sensation-play, and open relationships into account.
Not surprising because my practice needs to reflect my realities. Otherwise what’s the point? My life exists at the intersection of many kinds of queerness. Thus my practice does, too.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.
 Emphasis on the Sisterhood, not-so-much on the biological reductionism.
 I make part of my living as a Professional Naked Girl, which includes everything from figure-modeling for animation classes to lingerie modeling for clients’ personal projects.
 Cinnamon essential oil is – along with being both a money-drawing oil and a lust-encouraging oil – dermocaustic. Peppermint – at the opposite end of the scale – causes deliciously shivery sensations on the skin (but can also draw customers to a business).
I’m a bit of a perfectionist – meaning that I have a terrible fear of FAILURE (it totally gets the capital letters) and a corresponding expectation that, if I’m going to attempt something for the first time, I’m also going to succeed at it the first time (or else be a humiliated embarrassment to all who know me, unworthy of love or care, doomed to die shivering and friendless in the snow. IN THE SNOW. Have I mentioned that we’ve got about three feet of the stuff piled up outside right now? There’s a lot of snow to go around).
It’s kind of stupid.
I know that.
But it’s still there, and it leads me to be, well, kind of on the conservative side when it comes to Trying New Things. I don’t mean “trying new things” as in “try the kale, you don’t know you won’t like it if you don’t try it” (although when I was a kid…) I mean “try new things” as in “try astral travel” or “try trance work” or “try the Iron Pentacle meditation”. And that does, to an extent, make some sense. Going walk-about without taking precautions that, presently, I don’t actually know how to take is not the wisest thing I could be doing. But it goes farther than that into a heels-dug-in aversion to Trying New Things like “Offer an ancestor plate at your next Fancy Ritual Meal” or “Ask Your Muse To Visit You In Dreams and Tell You What She Likes”. Fear of FAILURE (aka: fear of radio silence) is equally matched by a fear of success (getting an answer and then, yikes, having to actually ACT on that answer).
So here I am.
I… Have a bit of a weird relationship to Yoga. I love it for how it makes my body feel. But I also have a bit of a… thing… about it. Which I’ll talk about when I get to the Y-is-for Prompt. But there’s a thing that I used to hear (on a yoga tv show, so take it as you will) which was “It’s yoga practice, not yoga perfect”. Which is trite and slightly irritating (see above re: Thing) but is also something that I need to keep in mind about Doing Stuff in my own dirt-worshipping, hearth-guardianing(?), spell-working practice. It’s a practice. Take little steps. Take careful steps. But keep on walking.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.
 I did actually try that one, a couple of years ago. I can’t say I got much out of it, but I would definitely like to try it again. I may need to ask for some help with narration and similar, though… Eugh. Audiences…
So… What to do about the Pagan Blog Project?
I started mid-year, but at the beginning of the alphabet, in 2012. And I got through to O is for Offerings before the calendar rolled over. Now the Project is up and running again for 2013, starting with “A is for _____________” and I’m sitting here going “Well, crap. Do I really want to start all over again???”
And part of me does.
Part of me wants to keep working on “last year’s” prompts – meaning blogging about any old pagan-related thing and linking to the 2012 schedule as I go, and continuing with “P is for ___________” (Practicality, Preserves, Popularity Contests, you name it) – while simultaneously doing the rounds of 2013 prompts (possibly doing only one prompt per letter this time? Rather than, say, three… as was sometimes the case last year) but narrowing my focus somewhat in order to pay further attention to the specific spritual-sexuality stuff that has been tugging on my sleave for what feels like a significant part of the past year. I suppose I’d start with something like “A is for Aphrodesiac” if I went that route, but I’m really not at all sure.
I complained to Miss Sugar, the other day, that I am a theory-head to the point that I’m actually hiding behind my thinky-thinkiness in order to avoid actually doing (risking) anything… to the point that my inaction is becoming embarassing (to me, at least).
Maybe (there I go again with the “maybe”) I make the effort to blog about experiential stuff this time around.
Here’s to a year of action. (And here’s hoping).
Meliad the Birch Maiden.
So. Here we are at the beginning of January, just past the fullness of Long Nights Moon, and the local temperature has dropped – as it tends to do once January hits – by about 20 degrees celcius. I’m in a shiny new apartment with a shiny new spouse (the spouse part, not the relationship part) who is learning how to sew leather garments on her old machine… and without a balcony on-which to grow next Summer’s (distant) garden.
Oh, I have plans.
There is a built-in planter that runs the length of my apartment and which, typically, gets left horribly neglected over the course of the summer (impatiens go in… and they get pretty-much no water from there-on-in)… that I’m thinking I might be able to take over if I opt for the Pretty Stuff in that space. There’s also a (slim) chance that I’ll get a big chunk of garden space waaaaaaaaaaaaaay the hell outside of town on the land of one of my wife’s (hee!!!) co-workers who would like to have home-grown food but doesn’t really know how to do the growing. That chance is slim, but it’s there… and I’m hopeful about it. 🙂
In spite of my 2013-garden uncertainty, however, and perhaps a little foolishly at that, I’ve gone ahead and ordered seeds from a couple of Canadian seed companies (one in Ontario, and one in Alberta, by the looks of things).
From Hawthorn Farm, I’ve got:
Black Cherry baby tomatoes
Black Plum sauce tomatoes
Polish Linguista sauce tomatoes
Blondkopfchen yellow baby tomatoes
Lacinato Kale (aka dinosaur kale?)
Red Russian Kale (the kind with the purple stems)
Giant Red Mustard Greens
Nutter Butter (miniature butternut type squash)
Black Futsu (Japanese two-serving winter squash)
Winter Luxury Pie (heirloom pie pumpkin – pretty fruit with very smooth flesh)
Trionfo Violetto pole beans (purple podded snap beans)
True Cranberry pole beans (dark red butter beans with mottled shells)
From Heritage Harvest Seeds I’ve ordered:
Marina di Chioggia (heirloom turban-type squash with super-smooth, pasta-friendly flesh)
Musquee de Provence (heirloom pumpkin – chocolate brown shell with thick, smooth, luxurious flesh)
Canada Crookneck (heirloom butternut-esque squash with sweet flesh and a super-big curve)
Early Green Cluster pickling cucumbers
Painted Lady runner beans
Scarlet runner beans
Hopi Red Dye Amaranth (for greens and grains)
I’ve got garden plans. Lots of heirloom veggies, lots of long-keeping squash and hardy, easy-to-grow greens (than happen to be kind of pretty). Lots of pole beans with fancy flowers and colourful pods for virtical appeal.
Now I just need to secure a place to grow it. O.O
Wish me luck! 😀
Meliad the Birch Maiden.