P is for Practice and/or Procrastination – Pagan Blog Project 2012

I’m a bit of a perfectionist – meaning that I have a terrible fear of FAILURE (it totally gets the capital letters) and a corresponding expectation that, if I’m going to attempt something for the first time, I’m also going to succeed at it the first time (or else be a humiliated embarrassment to all who know me, unworthy of love or care, doomed to die shivering and friendless in the snow. IN THE SNOW. Have I mentioned that we’ve got about three feet of the stuff piled up outside right now? There’s a lot of snow to go around).
It’s kind of stupid.
I know that.
But it’s still there, and it leads me to be, well, kind of on the conservative side when it comes to Trying New Things. I don’t mean “trying new things” as in “try the kale, you don’t know you won’t like it if you don’t try it” (although when I was a kid…) I mean “try new things” as in “try astral travel” or “try trance work” or “try the Iron Pentacle meditation[1]”. And that does, to an extent, make some sense. Going walk-about without taking precautions that, presently, I don’t actually know how to take is not the wisest thing I could be doing. But it goes farther than that into a heels-dug-in aversion to Trying New Things like “Offer an ancestor plate at your next Fancy Ritual Meal” or “Ask Your Muse To Visit You In Dreams and Tell You What She Likes”. Fear of FAILURE (aka: fear of radio silence) is equally matched by a fear of success (getting an answer and then, yikes, having to actually ACT on that answer).
So here I am.
I… Have a bit of a weird relationship to Yoga. I love it for how it makes my body feel. But I also have a bit of a… thing… about it. Which I’ll talk about when I get to the Y-is-for Prompt. But there’s a thing that I used to hear (on a yoga tv show, so take it as you will) which was “It’s yoga practice, not yoga perfect”. Which is trite and slightly irritating (see above re: Thing) but is also something that I need to keep in mind about Doing Stuff in my own dirt-worshipping, hearth-guardianing(?), spell-working practice. It’s a practice. Take little steps. Take careful steps. But keep on walking.

Meliad the Birch Maiden.

[1] I did actually try that one, a couple of years ago. I can’t say I got much out of it, but I would definitely like to try it again. I may need to ask for some help with narration and similar, though… Eugh. Audiences


One response to “P is for Practice and/or Procrastination – Pagan Blog Project 2012

  1. Pingback: A is for Action – Pagan Blog Project 2013 | Urban Meliad

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