Hello! While I’m still finishing up the alphabet from PBP12 (I started mid-year, so I’ve decided to just keep it going), I’m also doing PBP13 simultaneously, but with a slightly narrowed focus. Rather than blogging about *anything* that pertains to my particular pagan path, including random musings and occasional stretches-of-definitions , I’m going to focus on:
(a) Personal experiences/activities
(b) scared sexuality and sacred kink
The latter is a path that has been tugging my sleeve for some time, but it’s the former that I want to talk about today.
I just read this post by Morpheus Ravenna, about keeping your commitments, doing what you say you’re going to do, and generally not shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to fulfilling the promises you make… even (maybe especially) to/for yourself.
I tend to avoid Action. It’s stupid, it doesn’t get things done, it means that I stagnate in my practice and then get scared to try and start things up again, or move them further, because “what if I just stall-out all over again?” I talked about it a bit in P is for Practice and/or Procrastination and have a post over on Syrens that talks more about acting with honour than, say, fearing to act at all, but that is, I think, somewhat related.
I want 2013 to be a year of action as opposed to a year of research. Which doesn’t mean that there won’t be research going on, or that the actions might be small ones, but it does mean that I make a concerted effort, a commitment even, to keep taking steps along the journey even when those steps are baby ones; to consult the map as needed but without failing to keep moving forward as I do.
I am freaking myself out just by saying that. By saying “I commit to keep moving forward, to keep taking baby steps, to not stalling myself out with I can’t do X Action until I’ve researched X Action ad infinitum and feel like I can’t possibly make any mistakes”.
Maybe that’s what Morpheus meant when she said:
Every time we do this[…], it weakens the will. It reinforces a view of ourselves that we aren’t up to completing a commitment, while telling ourselves it’s OK, it’s just a New Year’s resolution, everybody breaks them. This is the way to eviscerate the will.
I remember talking to a then-girlfriend, once, about how my therapist kept asking me “what are you going to do to be nice to yourself tonight?” and how it all looked like so much trite, over-pressuring nastiness from where I was standing and why bother wasting the effort? And she said “Meliad, you follow through on doing something nice for yourself so that you start trusting your SELF again.” You say you’re going to do something nice for yourself, and then you follow through and actually do it… and your SELF goes “Oh… That wasn’t just lip-service. Who knew?” and, eventually, you establish a pattern of being trust-worthy and, thus, being able to trust yourself, your own words, your feelings, and your vibes. YAY!
All this to say that, by focusing my PBP3013 posts on personal experiences/activities I will give myself extra incentive to actually have them and, thus, to keep Acting over the course of the year.
That’s the plan, anyway. That’s the commitment.
So. What is my Action for today? Today I’m going to do something nice for myself. I’m going to take a hot bath, and I’m going to scent it with bay leaves, birch leaves (if I can find where I put them…), ylang ylang, clary sage, vanilla, and cinnamon in order to encourage holy sexuality, protection, sensuality, dream-work, and opening up to the spirit-world.
Wish me luck! 🙂
Meliad the Birch Maiden
 Pine needles or pine EO would work, too, but I don’t have any pine on me right now.
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I can relate to with the excessive research followed by a distinct lack of action, though I can honestly say that I’ve gotten better over the past year. Put that research into motion! I think you’ll find that some of the preconceived ideas you’ve been sifting through won’t hold a candle to the actual experiences! Good luck and Brightest Blessings!
That is possibly the most terrifying thing I’ve read in a comment (on this blog, at least) to date. O.O
I hope you mean that in a good way. 🙂
Sounds like you’re already reserving your energy for when you can best apply it for your needs and concerns in the physical way. For me doing that same thing mentally helps me keep from being exhausted. Making time not only for mediation but being thoughtful about where I let myself get emotionally or cognitively invested helps me keep focus and attention on the things that matter in my life.
At least I think I do.
Is this sort of like “pick your battles”? Or “recognize ‘crazy-makers’ and don’t get too involved with them”?
Yes, that as well as being honest with myself about what my true interests are. It can be very easy to get involved in another person’s interests. I like people so it is very easy for me to spend time and effort in places where it will go to no good purpose. So, it’s not being mean or rude or selfish to be more cautious just a better use of energy.
Good luck! I definitely think careful follow through in taking care of the self is important. This also plays a part in reserving my energies for things that are very significant to me. It’s been easier for me to follow through with self care when I accompany that with energy preservation.
Although tonight I am splurging with the PBP posts which brought me here. It’s a good splurge!
Tell me how self-care and energy presevation work together?
With me, self-care usually means (a) hot baths, but also (b) physical activity like yin yoga or dancing to Gaga/Kesha/Pink – stuff that gets my body moving and my blood pumping but that doesn’t conserve much energy.
Was it a good splurge? 😀
That’s a good point, too! There needs to be balance between making the goals manageable vs. breaking them down so small you lose the big picture. One thing I know is that if the list says, “Sort laundry” I will do it, but if it says, “Do laundry” I may look at how much there is and feel so overwhelmed I shrug and put it off another day.
Today we (my wife and I) have some Home Improvement tasks on the list – “buy shelves from home despot”, “buy pre-fab counter-top + clothes hangers from Ikea”, “put shelves together”, and “set up shelves in Work Room”. Specific plan-of-action for where stuff is coming from.
Tomorrow, we’ll have “put work-room stuff on shelves” but I’ll also have “take out beeswax, wicks, wax pot, and candle moulds” and “make new offering tealights” because, once the stuff is on the shelves (not in an organized way, just UP and off the floor), I’ll be able to access the beeswax etc and get on with things. 🙂
Follow-though has been my nemesis for so long! I’ve just started doing better in the last several months. One thing I’ve found is that I was making statements that were so big they were unachievable. “I’m going to be perfect from now on!” I’m still learning how to set achievable goals for myself so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment.
Achievable goals are key, for sure! 😀
I’ve got a friend (Miss Sugar, over at Charmed I’m Sure) who has warned me about the opposite end of that spectrum, though. She says that there’s breaking things down into achievable goals and then there’s breaking things down into goals that are so small and incremental that you lose the thread of what you’re doing.
Case in point: Me constantly stalling myself in the details.
I think the trick is to not only set achievable goals, but to also set concrete ones. Like “learn to make soap” is an achievable goal. But so is “look up easy beginner soap recipe” and “locate local hardware store that still sells lye” and “buy olive oil”. And those are also concrete things-you-can-do that push you further towards learning to make soap *practically* instead of theoretically. I mean, yes, eventually you have to mix it all together (in the right order) on the stove, but each specific thing gets you that much closer.
Re: Sense of accomplishment: Oh, yeah. I swear, sometimes I make to-do-lists with deliberately tiny items (like, rather than “do laundry” I put “find laundry card”, “sort laundry”, “put laundry in washer”, “hang delicates”, “put hardy laundry in dryer”, “fold dry laundry”, “put away dry laundry”) just so I can cross more items of the list and say “Look at how much I’m getting done today!”
I’m not actually sure if that’s helping me in the long run, though. 😉
I can really relate to this post! I know all about research at the expense of action, and I especially need to work on follow-through on what I tell myself I’m going to do. Good luck!
Thank you! Any good luck I can get will be a help! 🙂
How goes the follow-through on your end? 🙂
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