Hello! While I’m still finishing up the alphabet from PBP12 (I started mid-year, so I’ve decided to just keep it going), I’m also doing PBP13 simultaneously, but with a slightly narrowed focus. Rather than blogging about *anything* that pertains to my particular pagan path, including random musings and occasional stretches-of-definitions , I’m going to focus on:
(a) Personal experiences/activities
(b) scared sexuality and sacred kink
The latter is a path that has been tugging my sleeve for some time, but it’s the former that I want to talk about today.
I just read this post by Morpheus Ravenna, about keeping your commitments, doing what you say you’re going to do, and generally not shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to fulfilling the promises you make… even (maybe especially) to/for yourself.
I tend to avoid Action. It’s stupid, it doesn’t get things done, it means that I stagnate in my practice and then get scared to try and start things up again, or move them further, because “what if I just stall-out all over again?” I talked about it a bit in P is for Practice and/or Procrastination and have a post over on Syrens that talks more about acting with honour than, say, fearing to act at all, but that is, I think, somewhat related.
I want 2013 to be a year of action as opposed to a year of research. Which doesn’t mean that there won’t be research going on, or that the actions might be small ones, but it does mean that I make a concerted effort, a commitment even, to keep taking steps along the journey even when those steps are baby ones; to consult the map as needed but without failing to keep moving forward as I do.
I am freaking myself out just by saying that. By saying “I commit to keep moving forward, to keep taking baby steps, to not stalling myself out with I can’t do X Action until I’ve researched X Action ad infinitum and feel like I can’t possibly make any mistakes”.
Maybe that’s what Morpheus meant when she said:
Every time we do this[…], it weakens the will. It reinforces a view of ourselves that we aren’t up to completing a commitment, while telling ourselves it’s OK, it’s just a New Year’s resolution, everybody breaks them. This is the way to eviscerate the will.
I remember talking to a then-girlfriend, once, about how my therapist kept asking me “what are you going to do to be nice to yourself tonight?” and how it all looked like so much trite, over-pressuring nastiness from where I was standing and why bother wasting the effort? And she said “Meliad, you follow through on doing something nice for yourself so that you start trusting your SELF again.” You say you’re going to do something nice for yourself, and then you follow through and actually do it… and your SELF goes “Oh… That wasn’t just lip-service. Who knew?” and, eventually, you establish a pattern of being trust-worthy and, thus, being able to trust yourself, your own words, your feelings, and your vibes. YAY!
All this to say that, by focusing my PBP3013 posts on personal experiences/activities I will give myself extra incentive to actually have them and, thus, to keep Acting over the course of the year.
That’s the plan, anyway. That’s the commitment.
So. What is my Action for today? Today I’m going to do something nice for myself. I’m going to take a hot bath, and I’m going to scent it with bay leaves, birch leaves (if I can find where I put them…), ylang ylang, clary sage, vanilla, and cinnamon in order to encourage holy sexuality, protection, sensuality, dream-work, and opening up to the spirit-world.
Wish me luck! 🙂
Meliad the Birch Maiden
 Pine needles or pine EO would work, too, but I don’t have any pine on me right now.
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