I wrote this post a week ago, sitting in an office tower (where I’ll be sitting for another week yet), at a time when I was feeling very uncertain of what the immediate future would bring. The past four days have brought a little more clarity on a number of fronts (more on that tomorrow, for PBP13), but today I’m still talking about Leaf/Crocus Moon and what it stands for.
I have to look back at what I wrote about this Moon, about how it pulls us towards what makes us feel alive, to remind myself of where I need to go. My wife has been riding the energy of this Moon from the get-go, and her career is shaping up to be exactly where her passions and joys are pointing her. (Woohoo! :-D)
Me, on the other hand? So many of my thoughts these days are occupied with money – how to get enough of it, what I can and can’t justify spending it on – that it’s hard (and possibly foolish) to say ‘no’ to what steady income I can find.
I am not passionate about office work.
But I have to ask myself: Those things that you are passionate about; those things that – when they go right, and sometimes even when they are tiring and frustrating – make you feel joyful and alive… what are you doing to make them a larger part of your life?
It’s embarrassing to look at my day-to-day activities and not really be sure what it is that I’ve accomplished. Sometimes “what I’ve accomplished” looks an awful lot like “office work” – emailing contacts on a dozen different fronts (typically either hustling for work, arranging/confirming meetings, or trying to find a study/primary-source to back up something in my Environmental Scan).
Rarely does my workday look like this:
Modeled from 9-Noon
Updated my portfolio/website
Did my Devotions and half an hour of yoga
Re-dyed my hair
Wrote my PBP13 post for the week
Churned out another thousand words on The Novel
Went on a 40-minute walk and picked up groceries/CSA basket/gleaned as I went
Wrote a poem
Read an essay on Sacred Kink / Practiced Trance Work / Did 30min of vocal warm-ups
Finished draft-one of a short story
Repainted my toenails
Let Alone This:
Spent 40 minutes harvesting (“weeding”) in the ever-growing garden
Prepped my set for the launch of my latest book
Deposited a royalties/advance/paid-blogging/modeling-work cheque for a three+ figures amount of money.
Went for my weekly swim, then to the salon for my monthly fill-in-the-blank
Churned out another thousand words for The (Next) Novel while sitting in a quiet café, enjoying cake and cappuccino and non-horrible lighting (and lack of internet) as I typed
Made Dinner ft fresh-from-the-garden produce (“weeds”) and CSA heritage pork sausage, among other things.
Went for cocktails date with my beloved wife
(All that stuff is taken from a “your ideal day” exercise that I borrowed from Gordon’s blog, fyi. You notice how my ideal day doesn’t actually involve answering (non-social) emails ever? Yeah…)
I’m getting more Actual Writing done while working an office job (with limited amounts of office-work but a pre-determined number of hours I need to be here) than I typically do in a given week where I spend my hours at home, alternately freaking out about how to up my income and triaging the various communications things that I need to do in order to maintain the income I currently have… and I’m doing it without actually changing how much time I spend Noodling On The Internet.
Which is significant in a number of different directions, I know. Unplugging the modem for two or three hours on a given afternoon would probably up my creative productivity immensely. (Okay, okay… I’ll do it. Eugh).
So here I am at the apex of Leaf/Crocus moon, watching the river thunder by from a 23rd floor office cubical, trying to figure out how to make it all work – how to hold up my end in keeping us economically solvent while making my passions the bulk of where my part of our income is made; how to force myself (and ideally entice myself – if I can get all Artists’ Way on you for a moment) to create, create, create until it’s a joyful habit rather than something I have to goad myself into doing.
Wish me luck.
Wish me certainty.
Wish me success.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.
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