L is for Lapse (in Judgement) – Pagan Blog Project 2013

Like so many things in my life these days, this post is a little bit late. It’s Sunday, my altars are lit (also late) and I have another batch of bread (having burnt the last one – albeit not to the point of it being un-usable) and another batch of yoghurt (2C milk this time, since I didn’t have a lot of starter to work with) on the go.

Yesterday, I had the wonderful experience of attending Queering Power, a one-day selection of workshops and discussions for queers of all genders (but, for the most part, attended by dykes) who are involved in D/s (or M/s or O/p) power exchange.
The subject of this PBP13 post, however, is not so much Queering Power (you can read some of my thoughts about the event, itself, here, if you’re interested) as it’s about something that happened to me during the final workshop.
The final workshop was about mindfulness, and was opened with a guided breath-focusing exercise intended to do all the things that such an exercise is supposed to do: bring your focus into your body and into things-as-they-are (into the Now, if you will).
I, being opportunistic and possibly kind of dumb, took the opportunity to try one of my trance exercises. I used the Rainbow Elevator technique to enter into what Starhawk (in Earth Path, I think) calls something like “dropped, open awareness”. Or, in my case, to enter a state where my walls were down and I could – in theory – be more aware of the energetic Stuff going on around me.
Big Mistake.
Opening up (pretty completely) to the energetics of a room stuffed with people all hopped up on intellectual stimulation, particularly when I’m usually bunkered enough to not be overly affected by such a thing, was a one-way ticket to dizziness, nausea, and generally being overwhelmed by Having People Around.
On the plus side: It actually worked. When I practice that technique on my own, in my bath tub, with the door closed… I’m never certain if I’m actually Doing Anything or if I’m just having a slightly pleasant day dream while in a bath full of woodsy, fruity essential oils. Doing it in a different context, I got Results. Even if the results were unpleasant, they were still there. Not sure if that qualifies as Unverified Personal Gnosis but… I know what happened in my body, so I’m going to go with it.
Anyway. So. As my lovely wife said to me, after we’d retreated to an empty room where I could get my head back together (and have a nap – a very good idea), opening up that wide in that particular situation was a bad idea.
My wife is one of those people who, though to my spidy-senses (such as they are) she is all wood and stone and earth, was born with wings. She can go flying without even having to think about. She doesn’t even need a hedge to ride. She can do it while carrying on a conversation with someone else, even.
Me, on the other hand? I need to actively concentrate and go through a bunch of steps to just get to the point where I can be Receiving, let alone going out and visiting anyone.
One piece of advice she’s given me – though I’m far away from being skilled enough to actually wander out of my body – is to never go Traveling without a destination in mind.
Seems like good advice to me. 🙂
For now, though, I think I’ll stick with trying to get into (and out of) trance space without unsettling my own body too much. 😉
Meliad the Birch Maiden.

One response to “L is for Lapse (in Judgement) – Pagan Blog Project 2013

  1. Pingback: Q is for Queering Power – Greater Granola Blog Project | syrens

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