Monthly Archives: January 2014

Shawl Project Plans

My altars are lit – finally, after too long (a couple of weeks, easy) having gone without – and I’m relaxing at home while my lovely wife is out on a date with one of her other sweeties.
I may have to send her a note suggesting that she grab a bottle of white wine on the way home, so that we can enjoy a glass of reisling (one can hope) with the chicken and sweet potatoes I’m (eventually) doing in the oven.
Right now, though, I’m messing about with the blogs. I finally got caught up on my Pagan Blog Project posts (see previous entry) and will, shortly, be caught up on my GGBP posts over on Syrens as well.
Right now, though, I want to talk about knitting. I’ve decided that I’m going to knit myself a heavy, striped shawl via the simple means of knitting nine (or so) long, skinny scarves and then sewing them together. The idea is that I’ll have black stripes (odd number, so that both “bookend” stripes are black) alternating with stripes of Various Colours and the plan is that each of the Various Colours will be a hand-spun yarn, ideally one with some verigation or colour blending going on. The shawl should end up being about 2.5′ deep by 5′ or 6′ long. At least that’s the hope.
Right now, that means one stripe done in the deep blue (with hints of purple and white) silk-merino that I got fairly early on in my spinning endevors, and one stripe (eventually, once I’ve spun some more) in the same deep ruby that I turned into arm warmers back in December. I do have a small heap of other roving that I can work with – most of which I got for felting soap and making felted jewelry (haven’t done much of either, though so might as well turn it into yarn) – and I’m thinking I’ll do a combination of turquoise and lavender with, maybe, a bit of darker purple thrown in here and there, and another skein done in the dark purple (though I’m not sure what I’ll mix it with… maybe white? I’d have to see how that went).
I’d like to spin something like a peacock blue, or a teal that I’ve heavily mixed with royal blue and just a few hints of emerald, but we’ll see… I’d have to get new roving for that. Likewise, I’d like to do a deep, bloody red – and I have some crimson roving lying around for just that purpose – but… Again, I’m not sure what I’d mix it with. Based on what I’ve got… carefully mixed feather-fine touches of ruby and dark purple, probably. And I’d love to do a variety of pinks… a rich fuschia couple with touches of the ruby plus something very pale but still in the pink spectrum.
Each colourful stripe could be a different width, too – possibly getting narrower as the colours get lighter? – for extra visual interest.
Who knows.
Anyway. That’s where I’m at. I won’t be hand-spinning the black yarn although I may be buying it. I’ve got three skeins of black merino already BUT it’s a really fine gage – like sock yarn, or close to it – and, while it’s turning out beautifully using a twisted-stitch and 2.25mm needles… it’s taking for freakin’ ever, and that’s not the idea here. the idea here is to be able to put the black stripes together on 7mm (or 5mm) needles, using a twisted stitch, and get each one done on a given lazy afternoon while watching Lord of the Rings or something.
Anyway. That – along with my erstwhile pair of socks – is my current Project for the moment.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.

B is for Brigid and Beginnings – Pagan Blog Project 2014

So, come next Sunday, my lovely wife and I will be heading over to a neighbourhood friend’s place to try out a group ritual with a couple of other gals whom our friend knows.
It’s, supposedly, the beginning of a year of ritually circling together every six weeks or so (yes, following the Wiccan Year Wheel), and we’ll just see how that goes.
This is the trick with me. I dread the Unknown. (What the hell am I doing here again??) And, right about now, my control-freak nature is starting to rear its ugly head. Will my wife think that Reclaiming-type rituals are Capital-S Stupid? (Unlikley). Will working on-the-fly result in poorly held-together rituals that lack flow and arc and feel scattered? (Er… in my experience of group rituatls? Yeah. :-\) Will I feel weird and nervous about things that could come up (like womb-centrism) due to not knowing some of the other group-participants? (Yes – already feeling weird and nervous about that. Although our friend is not stupid, and I think she would aim to avoid such a thing, so I’m probably worried about nothing).
This… collection of minor anxieties is one of the main reasons, when taken together, that I tend to aim towards solitary practice. HOWEVER I have been missing group ritual, and so I’m fairly eager to try this group where everyone involved is crafty and creative and a queer-femme-chick and fairly lefty.
As such, I’m trying to quell my fears and build up my bravery a little. (It’s possible that, rather than building up my bravery, I should really just build up my Mellow and Gregarious, which will probably help a lot more. Something to think about).
I’ve sent a note to the other participants, hoping to get us all thinking about (and sharing ideas about) the impending ritual and, with any luck, we’ll get a bit of an egregore going – or at least be thinking vaguely in the same directions – by the time we actually get together.
I expect it to takea little while for us to gel, and I’m hesitant to bind myself to a couple of gals I’ve never met before. At the same time, Imbolg has ties to sheep and new beginnings, and a ritual centered around group cohesion – possibly through a gentle and very specific (maybe even symbolic?) binding using scraps of yarn that we all brought and tied together (and then maybe(?) knitted into an altar-place-mat for future use?) might be an appropriate thing to do.
I dunno.
This is a fairly speculative post, I realize, and we’ll have to wait and see where this little group goes, but… Here’s hoping? 🙂

B is for Baking – Pagan Blog Project 2014

It’s been a good two weeks since I last made bread, at least it feels that way. Right now, I’ve got a new batch of bread dough rising on my kitchen counter, so fluffy that it’s pushing the lid (an old denby plate of my wife’s) off the blue bowl to take a look around.
(I love quick-rising yeast – it’s exactly the same as every other kind of baking yeast, but it’s a much finer powder, so it works a little more quickly. Apparently).
I’m looking at an almond cake recipe and wondering if I can’t add a hint of cocoa and some vanilla-nutmeg pear butter to the mix (maybe in lieu of the orange zest and some of the sugar/eggs?) in order to make a slightly dense coffee cake type dessert loaf for my upcoming Imbolg ritual.
Something like:
1 C ground almonds
1/4 C cocoa
3/4 C icing sugar
3 eggs, separated into yolks and whites
1/4 C pear butter

1) Beat the egg whites with the cocoa until stiff.
2) In a second bowl, beat the egg yolks, sugar, and pear butter together, then add the ground almonds, still beating.
3) Gently fold in the egg whites, a little at a time, until well-incorporated.
4) Pour batter into a well-greased cake pan (of 5C loaf-pan?) and:
5) Bake at 325F for 45 minutes, give or take. (Just keep an eye on it. When it smells done, give it the fork test. It might take less time to bake, or it might take up to an hour. I have no idea as I haven’t tested this recipe. Yet).
6) When it passes the Fork Test, remove from oven and allow to cool.
7) Serve with Preserves (chocolate cherry spread OR pears in syrup will both work well) and/or whipped cream, and ENJOY. 😀
Baking keeps me grounded. Beking keeps me centered. Other people do tree meditations or cast circles, but I make food. It’s part of why Friday (usually) isn’t just “offering day”, it’s also baking day, fancy dinner day, and candle-making day. Returning to these tasks that are simple and fruitful and creative all at once, touching them with some degree of mindfulness (if I can even call it that) feels like re-finding my own sense of balance.
I’ve got a big conference coming up the week after next, I’m nervous as all-get-out, and more than a little bit stressed about it, and so what am I doing? Making a cake. And bread. If I’m not careful, I’ll wind up doing some kind of pot pie for dinner tonight, just to keep the oven on a little longer.
So it goes.
It’s funny. Lammas/Lughnassadh is officially the festival of grain (around here, that means sweet corn on the cob, for the short, short time that it’s in season), but I see an awful lot of people making “Bride’s Bread” braided egg-bread with nest-spaced for little glass tealight or votive holders built into it, for Imbolg. If Beltane and Samhain are feasts of the Otherworld, then are Imbolg and Lammas feasts for the living? Feasts for the staff of life?
Things to think about.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.

Full Moon – Snow Moon Crests

So I broke my computer cable last week, and have been offline for the past little while. Today is a catch-up day (again) where I try to get back on top of all the little Writing Things that I promised myself I’d get done.
Here we are, writing about the cresting of Snow Moon when said moon is already waining.
Snow Moon’s full moon was, at least, actually snowy. After a week of unseasonably (like “spring-like”) temperatures, it was nice to see the weather behaving normally again.
As far as things go with regards to the goals I’ve set for myself during this moon cycle, while the Social Events thing seems to be going somewhat well – I’ve even struck up conversations with strangers and wound up finding people that I had a fair bit in common with! 🙂
The trick here, I think, is to try and keep as many of those social things on the casual end of the spectrum as possible. I was talking with my lovely wife, on our way home from Leather Dyke Karaoke last night, and she was suggesting that maybe we need to get a bunch of our not-so-leathery dyke pals out on a different Sunday for more singing and hanging out and eating good food. And I said that would be lovely, but that I would keep such a thing casual so that it doesn’t turn into an obligation.
That said, I am looking forward to my first Group Ritual in a long, long time, which will be happening at a friend’s place on Imbolg. YAY! 🙂
I have not yet gone to renew my passport, although I’ve done the tiniest first step on that front, in that I’ve actually got paper in my printer in order to print out the forms. That’s all I’ve done, and that’s not much. But it’s done. I can take the next step now.
My last goal, the one that is a little bit harder to accomplish because it doesn’t have a concrete end point, is… there. Trying to keep an eye on when I get frustrated, and what buttons get pushed when that’s the case, and how I may be contributing to my own button-pressing. It’s an ongoing process, as they say.
It’s been a busy few days, and “Fabulous Friday Dinner” is actually happening this evening. (Pork picnic roast – as is so frequently the case – done with apple juice and onion and potato, plus a remoulade and a vidal to go with).
Time to get on that.
Meliad the Birch Maiden.

A is for Actual Reality – Pagan Blog Project 2014

Yes, I’ve been watching “Rent” a lot lately. How did you know?
“Actual Reality”.
I had a discussion with my brother the other day about “free will” and how, it became clear over the course fo the conversation, my brother seems to believe that “free will”, if it exists, must be connected to the conscious mind’s ability to make (or not make) decisions. If the decision isn’t made on a conscious level (or is made on a conscious level only after it’s been made on an unconscious level – there was some study he read in some medical journal?) it doesn’t count as “free” will.
I’m of a differing oppinion as, I’m sure, will come as no surprise to you.
I think that reality is much, much bigger than what our conscious minds are aware of. And I think that our unconscious minds area lot more up on What’s Going On – both interms of what’s going on inside us (are we getting sick, what kind of emotional baggage is at play in Situation X, whether or not so-and-so is really all that good for us, you name it) and in terms of the more complext nature of the cosmos in general.
I like to use tarot cards to try and sort out what’s up with me, sometimes, because it’s a way for my unconscious mind (which speakis in pictures and metaphor, but that also tends to know what’s really going on) to communicate effectively with my conscious mind (which speaks in words, but is really good a lying to itself).
Now… maybe it’s my “listen to your heart” tendencies, but I do think that our unconscious minds, well, (a) have free will but (b) are a lot more in touch with our Wills than our conscious minds are. That’s why Starhawk’s techniques are all about getting your head out of “talking self” space and into “deep self” space via methods that let the two talk to each other.
Our unconscious is where (and how) we can work magic. It’s the seat of our freest Will.

New Moon – Snow Moon Begins

Okay, I feel a little bizarre, given that Snow Moon actually began awfully close to a week ago. It has, however, been pretty snowy.
Right up until today, when the temperature soared to hovering-around-freezing and, as a result, we have an inch of ice on the ground (it was freezing rain last year, too, so maybe this isn’t all that unusual).
The sun seems to have temporarily come out, though, so that’s something.
I am staying indoors today, rendering lard, making bread, and generally getting Stuff done around the kitchen.
After a year on the ground floor, and the decision to change up my yoga routine (in-so-far as it’s a routine at all which, at the moment, not so much) so that I’m not literally showing my ass to the neighbours (who are very curious about our apartment, which is so full of fascinating things… like sewing machines of all sizes), we’re finding that the light from the windows is enough – just – to get us through without overwhelming depression on anybody’s part. YAY! 🙂
Even the plants seem to have adjusted a little bit, and the parot is enjoying her position by the window, where she can watch the world as it goes by. 🙂
In the past year, I’ve managed to establish some routines – make bread once or twice a week, as needed; make a Nice Dinner every Friday (usually); make weekly beeswax tealight offerings to my gods and ancestors; write (blog) on a weekly basis, if not more freuqently.
There are still things I’m working on – making sure to write a thousand words of fiction every day, rather than just on the days when I’m not Busy with something else; do yoga or walking or something physical every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes, even if it’s just enough to get my heart rate up again.
I’m looking forward to gettig my first installment of Del’s Spiritwork 101 email course, and trying to sort out what my goals for this lunar cycle are going to be.
I think one of them is “host more social stuff”, if only because I like being social but also like not having to leave the house. I’ve got a fibre arts evening coming up late this week, for example, that I’m hoping will help to cross-polinate my various friend-circles while also letting me get some knitting done in a way that is friendly and social rather than hide-in-my-corner-esque.
Another is to get my passport renewed. I’m still within the “quick and easy” period where I can get it renewed without a tonne of rigamarole. From there, I can move towards other goals, but that’s a bit of a Step One.
Another goal, another attempt to form a habit around something, is to be more aware of my own contributions to things that frustrate me. That’s not nearly as concrete as “get passport renewed” but it probably more important. Wish me luck on that one. 🙂
What are your short-term goals for Snow Moon?

A Southern Girl’s Guide to Hospitality

Appropriate for this blog, both from a Dealing With Deities perspective, but also from a hosting and entertaining perspective. Worth a read. 🙂


Let’s face it: a lot of the information out there about interacting with the Kindreds and establishing a devotional practice is damned intimidating for a beginner.

Most of us in the West don’t have a devotional tradition to draw on, and when we try to find others who can maybe show us the way we drown in technical terms and ideas we can’t understand yet. Add in the arguments about the info that is available and it can be more confusing than helpful.

I’m not an expert by any means, but I have been doing this for awhile. I figured I’d provide my perspective for any beginners out there simply looking for a place to start.

Maybe you’re new to the whole idea of hard polytheism, and just don’t know how to interact with entities who are real individuals and not theoretical constructs. Or maybe you’ve had an experience you…

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A is for Augury – Pagan Blog Project 2014

Augury, of course, is fortune-telling. As is my wont, I did a grand cross spread for The Year Ahead with special attention to the stuff I’ve talked about here and here.
This is what I got (NOTE: It’s a really picture-heavy post, so be warned):

I use the Osho Zen Tarot deck because it’s talkative in ways that I find more playing-card-style decks aren’t. Also it’s pretty, what can I say?
Entire Spread
What I notice looking at the spread as a whole is that it includes a primarily Air (urk…) and Fire (yay!) cards. Given the subject of the reading, I’m not entirely surprised by this.
The Air suit, at least in my experience, is very much about the “Old Tapes” that play in our heads, about the internalized Rules that keep us bound to whatever set of expectations we think we’re supposed to be living up to. Whether that’s “Lord Domly Dom” or “Good Girls Don’t” or “People will hate/fear (people will leave) you if you show them your real self”.
The suit of Fire, particularly in this deck, but also just generally, is about both creativity and drive, two things that I’m kind of wrestling with right now, particularly in conjunction with my own internalized expectations and fears.
I think it’s Interesting that the spread is bookended with Earth cards (abundance, self-sufficiency, interdependence, coming into one’s own), though I admit I’m surprised at how few Major Arcana cards are turning up in this spread.
Let’s get into it, shall we?
Fell Out of Deck plus Signifier
As I was shuffling the deck, the 10 of Earth fell out. When I do readings, cards that fall out of the deck are cards that are of particular note. Similar to the Advisor card (coming up towards the end of the spread), but with that much more input from Whoever is doing the Talking.
In this case, I was asking about things like “how am I going to make this work”, so I’m inclined to think that “We Are The World” is a confirmation that “it’s all related”, rather like the whole “ecosystem” thing that Sophia talked with me about, back in June.
My Signifier is “Turning In”, the Four of Water. The four, in any given suit, tends to be a bit of a “landing”, if you will. A resting spot. But I… I kind of doubt that this is what I’ll be getting, particularly given the Nine of Fire that’s coming up, as well as a number of different “wake up, kiddo” cards in strategic spots through the spread. I suspect this “Turning In” is more about Person Growth and getting out of some kind of denial or rut or something than it is about “pausing to reflect”.
Oh goody.
Central Cross
You can only just see it in the picture, but my “situation” card is “Beyond Illusion”. See above re “Wake Up, Kiddo” (it’s the 20 of Major Arcana and so corresponds with Judgement). My crossing card, which shows the influences or complications of the situation, is “Silence” – the 17 of Major Arcana, which you might know better as “The Star” – which also connects to “Turning In”, albeit on a slight different level. What I get from this is that my situation this year is going to involve some “getting real” and some deep diving/digging in order to get a handle on my self and my purpose.
Given some of the… wobbles or stumbles or… Major Life Questions(?) that have been plaguing me of late, I have to say I’m really relived to see Silence – with its promise of hope, as well as its connotations of spirituality and inspiration – directly effecting my Situation card. I… have an idea of where I’m aiming, and, okay, yes, it’s possible that I’m reading my cards in order to line up with that intention. But, frankly, I’m just glad that there’s nothing in this spread to suggest that my intention is entirely the wrong direction or bound for some sort of disaster. Seriously. I’ll take it. 🙂
Moving right along, we come to the Past and Future cards.
My Past Card (on the left) is “Celebration” (the Three of Water). I’ve always understood this to be my “poly card” and, yes, the past couple of years have involved me getting the hang of polyamoury, have involved us setting up the beginnings of what appears (more and more) to be a poly phamily. I spent New Year’s Day with most of them, which is… utterly wonderful. Completely perfect. Which, duh, doesn’t mean that there aren’t bumps (that card is reversed, after all), but… yeah. I hope that seeing this card in the Past position means that, for the moment at least, I can have a bit of a break from the constant Poly Processing. 😉
My Future Card, on the other hand (and on the right), is “Suppression” – the 10 of Fire.
Because it’s a ten, and also because Southern Fire is directly opposite Northern Earth if we look at it from a cardinal points perspective, I think it’s safe to say that my Future card is in direct (dynamic?) opposition to the card that fell out of the deck. This card tells us “You already have the tools you need to climb out of this pit that you’re in” and, I think, the implication is that, if I use the damn tools and do the damn climbing, I will get myself to the position of “We Are The World”, the joyful, fulfilling abundance that I’m seeking. Which is a good sign, even though it – along with a number of other cards – is also telling me that the climb is not going to be particularly pleasant.
Heh. Miss Sugar recently posted about her prediction for 2014 – that we’re going into the depths, essentially – and I think she is correct in this regard. I am dead terrified of what I’ll see in the obsidian glass. Here be dragons, I suspect. :-\

Moving right along.
Conscious and Unconscious Influences. Yes, I know. There are a lot of different ways to phrase what the cards in these positions are talking about. None the less, this is the clearest way for me to parse them, so that’s what I’m going with.
Unsurprisingly, my unconscious influence in “Conditioning” – which corresponds to “The Devil” and is the only other MA card in my spread. “Conditioning” and I go way back and, yes, it’s a direct link to all those Air cards and the “old tapes” playing in my head. All that stuff about “what I’m allowed to be” and “what I’m expected to be”. It may be these specific Illusions that I have to get Beyond, the nastiest opponent in the climb out of Supression’s pit. It wouldn’t surprise me, anyway.
My conscious influence, unexpectedly (or maybe not?) is “Ripeness”, the Nine of Earth… I can’t help thinking “The Time Is NOW!” at the sight of this one. But maybe the time is now. I spent a lot of last year getting into, and maintaining, some personal ritual (and not-so-ritual) routines around things like offerings, yes, but also around things like taking time to write, making myself do the word-count, and stuff like that. I know that this year, there will be more pushes in these directions on top of keeping the original stuff going. That’s good. I… I look at the Nine of Earth – nines tend to mean “You’re right on the cusp of something BIG, don’t wait! – and the Ten of Fire and the Ten of Earth to come… and I get the impression that this is going to be a serious “PUSH” year.
I hate pushing. I hate exhaustion (see 9 of Fire, coming up). But fine-okay-fine. Push it is. Fuck. I think Maia might be behind this one. At least I get the impression that she’s chuckling. (Thanks hon – no, really – it’s good to feel her here after such a long time).
Internal vs External View
Next up, we have the corresponding pair of “View from Within (the situation)” and “Outsider’s Perspective”.
You know that thing where, when you’re right in the middle of something and you’re just slogging away, and it feels like you’re getting nowhere? That’s “Exhaustion”. At least in this position. The Nine of Fire links up neatly (for a given, nightmarish value of “neatly”) with the Nine and Ten of Earth and the Ten of Fire, creating a multidirectional push – gawds, not a hammer and an anvil, please – towards that “Beyond Illusion” situation. (Why do I think “beyond illusion” is something I’m meant to be aiming for? It’s not just the situation card. My outcome card points in this direction, too).
Contrasted with this “Internal View” card is my “Outsider’s View”. The Outsider is the one who can see how far you’re getting, or how this is Clearly Meant To Happen, while you are too busy struggling through the undergrowth to see the light in the distance, let alone the whole Big Picture of the Forest.
My “External View” card is an emotion card, the Ace of Water – “Going with the Flow” – one which implies that, even as I’m struggling and scraping and feeling totally worn out, I’m still doing what I’m meant to do, following the path or the course that I’m meant to be following. “Clearly this is meant to happen”. I can only hope, right? Also, quite honestly, an individual floating in the river? That’s me in my element, right there.
I am choosing to read this card as a bit of a reassurance. It won’t be easy, but it will be What’s Supposed To Happen, and if it’s Supposed To Happen, then I’d like to hope my Ladies will be right behind me (possibly with a cattle prod, okay) urging me on. That would be a help. 🙂
(Be careful what you wish for… )
Hopes-Fears and Outcome w Clarification Card
Another Ace – I feel like I should point out at this time that the aces in this deck aren’t starting points, they’re fruition-actualization points – this one, the Ace of Air: “Consciousness”. This is what you get once you get Beyond Illusion, once you stop listening to the old tapes and trying to live up to inappropriate expectations that don’t fit who you really are.
And, yeah, it’s reversed, so it’s a Fear as much as (or more than?) it’s a Hope. I said, above, that I’m afraid of what I’ll see if I look into the dark, powerful mirror of Know Thyself. Consciousness, once you take it out of the context of Zen Buddhism, is Knowing Thyself. Everything you are, even the bits you don’t like. Even the bits that scare you. :-\
And then there’s the outcome.
It took me so long to get to a point where I could even look at this card without getting angry. What is says to me – perhaps tellingly – is “What you are behind that smiling mask is a monster. If anyone sees your real face, they’ll be horrified”. (Now go and look at that lion, bound in sheepskin, over at “Conditioning”, why don’t you…)
It took me a long time to see this as anything but Bad. “Politics”?? A manipulative snake behind a pleasing face? Ick!!!
I also understand it as the “show your real face” card. “Be honest, even if it’s going to suck in the short term, because it will be better in the long run to have done it”.
The seven of Air, which corresponds to the Seven of Swords, can allude to “breaking free, doing things your own way and abandoning group ideals”. If I read it this way, I can link it to the struggle to climb out of a pit of internalized conditioning, all those old tapes telling me what I can’t or shouldn’t do, what I can’t have, what can’t possibly work out.
With that in mind, I drew a clarification card (I admit, I tend to do this when the card that shows up is one I’m not particularly happy to see…) in order to shed some light on exactly what this face-showing behaviour is all about.
A hope of “what’s in it for me” but also a lot of “Do I Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave to???”
On the plus side, my clarification card was the Six of Fire: “Success”.
It’s reversed, so it’s not going to be an easy success. There may be some “I’m very disappointed in you” to deal with – in reality or on those old tapes – as I’m pushing my way into whatever success this scary-radical honesty is likely to bring me. But still. Success. That’s a relief! O.O
Of course, we aren’t really done yet. There is still the advisor card to draw, plus the overarching (current) and underlying (coming down the pike) influences to look at:
Advisor plus Overarching-Underlying
My advisor card, no surprises here, is “Mind”. The Knight of Air. A scary card to turn up, but very much one that says “This is all about the stories we tell ourselves about the world and our place in it”. My advisor says that I am, effectively, working in Personal Mythology territory this year. Cripes. Time to shake up the internal ant-farm, apparently, but hasn’t that been what the whole spread is about?
Yeah, pretty-much.
Still, there are not-so-scary influences happening here, too.
My over-arching influences card is “Totality”, the five of Fire that I always understand as “leap of faith”. It’s a card about trust. Trust the phamily, trust yourself, trust your skills, trust the story. Make it happen.
Juxtaposing this with my “underlying influences” card – “Flowering” (the Queen of Earth) – makes me think that… Okay. So if I take this leap of faith and go diving into my own internal abyss, if I risk looking into that dark mirror… when I crawl up and out of the pit… I will blossom. I will reign. 🙂
Worth trying for, I think.
I think. 🙂