The full moon is getting pretty high in the dome of the sky, veiled in clouds and still smiling. It snowed two days ago, and now everything has melted again. I still have kale (and some valient rainbow chard) in the garden and, rather than getting my ass out there with the scissors and harvesting it, I’m sitting inside whinging about how I don’t want it to go to waste.
I confess, I’ve been buying Self Help Books that focus on (a) asking for what you want, and (b) following your curiosity rather than your fear. My perpetual problems, right? You’d think, as a witch, I’d be better versed at changing my own conciousness so that it fell more in line with what I want but… what do I want? I want Safe, Warm, Fed, and Loved. And I have all of those things, for all that my jerk-brain is telling me that they’re all very precarious… they’re not. At least the “loved” part is really solid, I have a tonne of food stocked up, and my rent is covered for December (with a whole four days to go before it’s due!), plus nobody is trying to kill or maim me, so… I’ve got that. I’m just afraid to rock the boat, so to speak, by drawing attention to myself or asking for more than what, for the most part, is pretty basic (and yet… privilege…) stuff. Food. Shelter. Heat. A door that locks + being able to trust the people who share my home and my life. Basic, and yet so, so huge.
How do I ask for more than I deserve?
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