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Full Moon – Flower Moon Crests and Wanes
I’m writing this as the full moon wanes. We’ve been enduring an unseasonal cold front for most of the past week, but the service berries are still blooming their hearts out all over my (soon-to-be-former) neighbourhood. The scilla, crocuses, daffodils, and narcissus are blooming, too.
I watched the full moon in Scorpio come up, rose-gold, over the highway on-ramp for the last time.
My wife woke up at 3am and she knew. She knew that the house knew we were leaving.
Houses want to be lived in. It’s what they’re for in the sense of “This is my life’s purpose”. And we’re leaving it and, in 5-6 months, it’ll most likely be rubble.
As you know, I have some Feelings about this.
I can’t help thinking about the way (paleo-anthropologists and archeologists theorize that) my long-ago ancestors would ritually(?) destroy a house after living in it for generations.
What is a fit offering for a house that its spirits might be phoenixes and rise to fill the houses built on their former bones?
A broken dish coupled with the charred remains of a very, VERY over-cooked chicken heart crushed and scattered in the basement?
A wishbone tied to one of the spare house keys with a scrap of yarn and left in the hollow under the front steps?
Puddles of vodka sploshed across the linoleum tile in every room?
I’ve made a start of it by burning one of my coconut-beeswax votives and offering a chocolate truffle, but I think there needs to be more.
I’m trying to think of adequate ways to say goodbye.
We started moving things into the new place… about ten days ago. Art and furniture and a million books. There’s a long way to go yet, but we’re getting there.
Sunday was our last night in the Old House. We’ve moved our bed, a lot of our living room, and at least some of our kitchen, and have the internet and phone lines hooked up at the New House. Mail Forwarding and various utilities transfers have been accomplished.
We are so, SO exhausted. All. The. Time.
But we’re getting it done.
Perhaps it won’t come as a surprise that the card I pulled on the night of the full moon in Scorpio was the Ten of Earth. The card that means “Home, Safe, and Secure”.
I’ve been keeping that card in mind with every box I pack, and unpack, and re-pack; with every 5:30am anxiety spike that sends me spinning out with overwhelm; with every meal we cook in a kitchen whose layout we’re still learning.
Home. Safe and Secure.
I’m starting to get it through my head that there’s no such thing as a Forever Home – at least not in the sense of a single building. But I hope that this place we’re moving into, with its big windows and colourful walls and lack of stairs, will be the place we put our home for a very, very, very long time.
Movement: I am (barely) remembering to do my yoga every night. This has involved, at least once, getting up in the middle of the night and doing it then. But I’m still doing it. The vast majority of my “movement” at the moment, though, is packing, lifting, and carrying boxes and furniture to and from the van we’re using to move everything from one house to another. My back and hips are SO deeply unimpressed right now. O.O
Attention: Learning the layout of my new house. Listening for signs of unease from our old house. Paying attention to how much sun our north-facing front yard actually gets and to which trees are growing in our (heavily shaded) back yard – hawthorn and maybe a choke cherry? And a LOT of cedar and Norwegian maple.
Gratitude: Thankful for this house. For a month of overlap between one lease beginning the other ending. For a van, on loan, for as long as we need it. For being eligible for the Emergency Benefit. For a metamour nearby who takes such good care of us. For a new neighbourhood with friends already close by. For living on a hill just above the river. For an internet connection that lets me talk to my girlfriend even though she’s very far away. For healthy loved ones who’ve made it through or else haven’t got it (yet). So very much so. Grateful for extra space. Grateful for magic, and for magic working. Grateful for my two, tiny work-from-home jobs that still exists, even on drastically reduced hours. Grateful that my wife and I make a really great team – even when we’re frustrated, hangry, exhausted, and sore. Grateful for all the love in my life. ❤
Inspiration: Uh… does spite count? Because I found a couple of books that I thought I’d literally thrown away, and now I’m using them to make transformative art.
Creation: I did an erasure poem! HaHAAA! 😀 Not gonna lie, it’s a little heavy-handed, BUT. I’ve done one. And, with any luck, I’ll be able to do a whole bunch more!